What does the little voice in your head tell you, when you think about making changes? Does it pipe up with stories of risk, shame, embarrassment or potential failure? You have the POWER to teach that little voice a lesson, and if you can’t do it on your own, perhaps you can recruit some friends to help. This story is about how I came by getting permission to do big, hard things.
For me, the words of my little voice are encouraged by popular media. It says ‘You’re pretty heavy, maybe you shouldn’t run. It could hurt your knees. ‘ It sometimes also says , ‘You have asthma. Asthmatics can die if they exercise too hard.’ However, that voice is plain-ole wrong. The FACTS say that:
- Running makes your bones stronger. Even heavy athletes have less degradation in their joints than those who don’t exercise.
- Exercise is both anti-inflammatory and anti-depressant. Anti-inflammatory and anti-depressant drugs are often used to treat asthma. SO, it turns out that well planned exercise can combat asthma. Ha!
The damn little voice isn’t convinced by facts. It needs something else. BUT WHAT?? I think of my little voice is really still the child self – running protective detail. It is the wounded 10 year old who was called fat, and didn’t have friends. And so, my inner voice needs abiding love, understanding, gentleness and care … and it needs to be proven wrong not once, but sometimes repeatedly.
I didn’t grow up as an athlete at all. Always overweight, I struggled to keep up on the playground and in all athletic endeavors – even as an adult. Still, there were a few key things in my early life that made me believe that I COULD do things. I am so grateful for those activities and some of the people behind them.
The first positive athletic event that I remember was being on the swim team. I was slow, but I could keep up better in the water than on land. My high school team members were NEVER harsh or judgmental – at least not to my face, which is good enough. I just did the drills and did my best and, other than the coach’s comments about my weight, I felt accepted and included. And sometimes I could beat some of the boys. Even today, when I swim, I feel fast and confident. Like a fish. Yesterday during my training swim, I made myself smile like Ethel Merman and I pretended I was in a movie. My inner voice was pleased with that. Water is awesome.
The second, more formative event that made me realize that I could do SO much more than I thought was at Mink Lake Summer Camp, Grand Maris, MN. Two beautiful humans hired me to be a summer camp counselor there. The camp director’s theory was that he could teach the physical, but he needed to find someone with dedication and a good heart. God bless that man. I needed SO MUCH teaching of physical things. I’m glad he saw the potential in my heart. True to their promise, the patience was always present in the camp director and in my co-counselors.
All of the counselors participated in physical training in April/ May before the students arrived. One of the activities we did was climbing a rock wall. Eventually all of the campers would do the same. Turns out it’s good training. But, I was heavy and had so little upper body strength. Still, everyone had to climb. We set the anchor and the confident folks started climbing, one after the other. I wasn’t last but I sure was holding back, hoping it would just go away.
Then it was my turn. I put on the harness, shouted ‘on belay’ and I started to climb the sandstone. It was so HARD. My fingers hurt, my habit was to be slow and to give up easily. No surprise, I wanted to quit half way up the wall. Lucky for me, those doggone friends and co-workers of mine would NOT let me quit.
They saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. They coached, shouted, gave me time to rest and encouraged so loudly – even through my tears. After what seemed to be a VERY long time, by their effort and my own, I made it to the top. The feeling of ” I DID THIS” was so overwhelming. It was like nothing I had felt before. I collapsed on the ground and basked in the moment.
I don’t remember much of the rest of that day – or even a lot of the summer, but I do often re-envision the faces of my friends at the top, shouting me upwards while I cried and tried to quit. They taught me how not to give up on myself. For the rest of my life, I’ve given myself permission to push past the hurt and, more importantly, past the doubt. Recently, one of those old friends – who I haven’t talked to in 20 years – piped up on Strava to tell me that he’s proud I’m doing triathlons. My heart smiled that day.
Now, in my 40’s, I am so much more aware of the benefits of hard work. I’ve conditioned my inner voice to wait and see before sending in the doubt. But every time I think of doing something new, it’s another opportunity to give myself permission to be unusual, to try something that seems hard or weird. Every time I strike out on something bigger, longer, or just more; I have to keep telling myself that I’m good enough, that I’m worth it, and it’s perfectly ok if I go kick some ass.
Come on, inner voice. Let’s go see what we can do today.
Any Body Athletics 